Monday, June 10, 2013


WongFu posted a video on YouTube marking their tenth anniversary and it made me think of writing this blog.

YouTube is a great place. I don't remember the first YouTube video I watched, but I do remember finding people I won't forget (and animals.)

There's a young lady named Ana Free, she was probably the first musician I felt like I truly connected with. There was something amazing about watching videos of her singing her songs and playing guitar, basically pouring her soul out to the internet in a genuine way. When she laughed at the end of her videos, I felt like I knew her, and her music made me feel so much better than I felt before I watched her.

I would get sick often and feel like I wasn't getting anywhere in my life, but when I turned on a video of Ana singing, I could sing along and forget everything that made me feel different or conflicted. She understood, and that's all that mattered. I wanted to find a way to be able to do that. I wanted to make people feel as important as they made me feel, and with YouTube I can do that.

Later I found YouTube channels such as WongFu, David Choi, Jesse Barrera, Ryan Bandong, AJ Rafael, Kina Grannis, and Richard Tran.. just this giant circle of people with amazing talent and good hearts.

To me, a good heart is just as important as having talent, and watching the progress that these people have all made is a privilege.

It's not a great feeling when you're going through stuff, or your friends and family are, but to get to log onto the internet and know that you're important to people like WongFu, David, Jesse.. etc.. who have their own problems, is such a big deal. There's endless support, even if it can't always be shown individually.

I've met people who I consider life-long friends because of YouTube. If it weren't for YouTube I don't know where I would be, or what I would be doing. I don't think I'd have as much hope or motivation for the future, which might sound bizarre, but it's the people who share part of themselves and what their lives are like, that inspire me to want to make life better for myself and others.

Of course there is the down-side of YouTube where people can post rude comments and be generally hateful, but if you look at the support within a fanbase, it's remarkable to see how "fans" not only support artists, but they support each other.. and some fanbases are more like family than they are friends.

Make-a-Wish helped me with my wish to meet Ana in London and it was an amazing experience. The work that Make-a-Wish did to bring many of us from the internet together was a lesson for me and I learned a lot from it. It wasn't quite what I expected, but I've grown so much from YouTube and Make-a-Wish and all of the people who reached out a hand to support me when I needed it.

After being given a guitar from the hospital, I've begun to write my own songs and post my own videos. There is nothing more comfortable to me than sitting and playing my guitar, and nothing more uncomfortable to me than posting videos of it online. I think it's the amount of fear and sincerity that make it so special. It's hard for me to share a certain part of me that I feel the need to communicate, and I can do that with music. I don't think I'm the best singer or guitar player, but it's nice to go outside of my comfort zone and see myself grow as an artist and person. Sometimes it's fun to look back and think "remember when.." whether you're laughing, or crying.. it's those moments that make us who we are.

In a nutshell, I wanted to thank YouTube for allowing me to meet some of the most beautiful people that exist, and giving me the chance to be a part of their lives, as well as enriching my own. It's awesome that what started as a small platform for sharing videos has managed to grow so big and full of love.

Thank You.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Movies and Spaghetti Brains

I'm considering re-naming my blog. I tend to talk about cf a lot and try to educate people, etc.. but there's a lot more to my brain than just cf. I thought maybe it would be nice to change the title of my blog. Ideas anyone?

Also, I was just watching a video and then I started thinking about movie theaters and I wondered how common it is for people to feel disoriented when the lights go out and they just have the tiny strings of lights along the stairs.. I can't count the number of times I went to the movies and felt like I was going to fall over, due to the weird stairs/lights combination. It's hard enough to walk in the dark, who had the brilliant idea to add stairs? And the stairs aren't even the same length or height most of the time!

I try to get in and grab a seat before the lights go off, that way, I won't trip and die. Oh, and when you stand up after the movie is over and the lights are still off, am I the only one who feels like they're off balance and going to fall over? Is that just a me thing? Probably. Oh well.

Movie theaters are great in the sense that you can see a movie on a giant screen with complete strangers, but I am so unbelievably awkward. I always make sure that I have a drink, so when I have a coughing attack (believe me, they happen often! and yes, I'm that person) I can sip on some water and calm it down. Unfortunately, I tend to cough at the quietest parts of the movie, or the most romantic part or whatever, right before something touching happens or there's a kissing scene.. etc. so I've started to force myself to cough during the loudest parts of the movie, that way, hopefully I don't cough during the quiet parts, but either way I cough. My lungs are just like that. "Oh Jack.. but I lo.." *starts dying* Yay, unflattering sound effects.

AND then, I drink so much water that my bladder becomes increasingly uncomfortable and for twenty minutes my brain is going "how much longer is this movie?" "bathroom?" "but the stairs, oh, I can't walk on the stairs with those li.. uh oh, I'm going to cough again.." until, eventually, "hey, I really have to go to the bathroom." and by then, I've just missed twenty minutes of the movie thinking, it's the best part, and I have to take a break.

So I descend the stairs with whoever was brave enough to come with me. I do my thing, wash my hands, and come back in to the movie, waddle like a penguin while I try to find my seat, and gracefully (or not so much) sink back into the seat.

In the dark, I also apparently lose the ability to locate popcorn and nearly put my drink into the lap of the person sitting next to me. I would say that I have decent vision in the daylight. However, I start searching for popcorn so I won't hear the person next to me munching on their popcorn, and five minutes later, my hand is about to touch somebody's thigh or I'm still waving my hand next to their nipples like my hands are wet and they are an automatic dryer. It's so bad. I'm awful, but I can't turn and look for the bucket of popcorn, because then I'll miss the movie, and I can't hold onto the popcorn, because you bought it, and you'll be the one eating most of it. Right?

And that.. is why I should be banned from movies, or just stay home.. but I love going out.


The life of a spaghetti brain; it's complicated.