Tuesday, April 7, 2015

I Need to Know You

Have you ever just seen a person on the street or found their blog on the internet and felt such a profound connection where you feel like you need to know them? Like there's a reason that you two were brought together and you can't help but try to pursue it to see where it goes.
I find myself feeling that way so much. I don't know if it's because I don't have a lot of physical friends since everyone has moved onto adulthood and the responsibilities that come with it, or just because I haven't found those deep connections that I've been longing for yet. Everyone fits into certain pieces and has certain qualities that clash great with my personality but I'm looking for meaningful and tough conversations. That's not to say my current conversations don't matter to me, it  just seems like it's so hard to find people that are open minded enough and willing to take the time to have conversations that change the way you think.
Maybe it's because they've been hurt, maybe they're scared. I've always been amazed by how the human brain works and how we make connections with other people. What keeps us together and what makes us fall apart? How do we have that instinct that just lets us know when someone could be good for us and when someone isn't? How do we distinguish those feelings and make choices?
I find myself too often on social media finding profiles of different people who I'm immediately drawn to by the way they think or emote. It's remarkable to me that in this day and age it takes the click of a mouse to find someone you could be compatible with instead of the old school trips to the grocery store or meeting someone at a bar. It's not to say that those things don't still exist, because they do, it's just interesting how relationships evolve with social media.
The hardest part is trying to connect to people who already have a large following. My biggest problem is that most of the time I'm interested in getting to know people that just so happen to be popular. Maybe it's because they're cute, maybe it's because they work on interesting projects, maybe it's because they're a friend of someone else, but is it ever because of who they are? Is it ever because of the way they think or express themselves that they gain such a following. I often wonder these things.
I wonder how to break down those roadblocks and start conversations. So much of my life is spent online to find the qualities I miss out on due to my health concerns and being in the hospital so frequently. I can't help but always long for something more or something more interesting. The same way that people form relationships offline. I form more of mine online. And it's harder now. It's harder to show your personality through 140 characters and a picture. It's hard for people to want to take a chance on something they don't know.