Sunday, May 31, 2015

Bowling Adventures and A LOT of Crying

This entire month has been extremely hard for me emotionally and physically and I've been completely drained and worn out. My friend invited me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding so the past few days I traveled to South Dakota to stay with her. It's so surreal how time changes and certain things seem like they never have. I don't think I deal with change very well. I like for certain things to stay the same and the things I would like to change never do.

I met new people while I was in South Dakota and reunited with old friends. The last night I was there I talked to Nikki's roommate and we ended up going bowling at 2 a.m. because he had a key that he can use whenever he wants. I'm not sure if my life is just that boring or if it was actually a cool experience but I thought it was the coolest thing in the world to get to go to a desserted bowling alley at 2 a.m. and bowl in my pajamas with a stranger.

I ended up staying awake that night until 4:30 a.m. talking and it was so great to be able to socialize with someone even though I didn't really know them. I was happy just getting to be in a new environment and feeling like I could be myself without being judged.

Fast forward to today and I miss it. I  think what I lack here is mostly friends and getting to go out and do fun things. I could always go out by myself but there isn't as much to do here, and let's face it.. being by yourself can get boring really fast.

Being in South Dakota in a way was basically like torture but it also forced me to grow I think and I know that's really important because sometimes I'm stuck in these feelings and I can't move or break certain habits so I slip into the same patterns.

I think I might go back this summer depending on how it goes and how I'm feeling. I already feel sick again but I'm doing my best to stay healthy so I can keep doing fun things and avoid the hospital. I've done a lot of music stuff this month and actually wrote a new song today about my recent experiences and basically everything I've been feeling lately. It's good to be able to write and release things.

I can't wait for June and I'm looking forward to what new experiences that could bring.